This topic about insecurities during sex was raised in a group I'm in on Facebook. I thought it was a good topic, so I'm just going to paste here what was posted in the group.
We discussed how women's insecurities are usually ignored and not taken seriously, and how men aren’t really allowed to be insecure because they will be seen as weak.
I think it’s very normal to have things that you feel insecure about when it comes to sex. I have had one or two insecurities in the past but as I've grown, I stopped worrying about that shit because it does nothing for me.
So, what was I insecure about?
• I was never someone who walked around shirtless even at home. I always covered up even when alone in my own bedroom. I felt some type of way whenever I had no top on. That became a problem during sex because it meant that I always had to fuck with a shirt on. Lol!
• I couldn't make noise during sex. I thought it was a sign of weakness. I was always told men aren't supposed to make noise, so I used to remain silent as fuck and pretty much hold my breath. Even when cumming, I'd sort of freeze, get all stiff, tightly shut my eyes and quietly ejaculate.
Nowadays, I make noise. I grunt, roar, breathe loud, breathe slow & fast and when I'm cumming, I make all kinds of noises (except screaming like a girl).
• My butt used to get all sweaty whenever I was seriously turned on. I don't know how that shit used to happen, but it got sweaty quickly. Each time that happened, I'd make sure my girl wouldn't touch my back or bum.
Anyway, here's what was posted in the group. I picked a few that I think most of you (followers of this blog) might relate to.
• I just wanna cover-up, with a t-shirt, hide myself in the dark. I get told there's nothing wrong with my body or my shape. But, i guess it's knowing in my own mind that my body has changed and there's some extra weight where there never use to be, which causes me to shy off. Probably the reason why I haven't had sex in years. I don't feel as pretty as i use too.
• My biggest insecurity is riding on top. I can do everything else but once I am on top I just get flustered and self conscious. Feel like I am moving wrong. Like I might be too heavy. Also I don’t like to be completely naked during sex which is why I like to wear lingerie or fishnet bodysuits.
• I've become very insecure about my chest, not my boobs by my actual chest. I don't know if it's stress, hormones, or whatever else but I have a lot of acne scars and hyperpigmentation on my chest. It's something I've become insecure about bc I don't want people think I'm dirty or something. It just doesn't look appealing to me. I haven't had sex for a while if I did, I'd most likely wear a shirt because I hate how it looks.
• I have an insecurity with my boobs, after the baby they aren’t as perky. I don’t have any cleavage, either. Also being a chocolate woman, I used to hate how much darker it was between my ass cheeks when I would spread them.
• Once upon a time I was afraid to be on top because I felt like I would smother him (it was all in my mind). I also had an issue with being completely naked. He gave me a ultimatum, get fully naked so I can feel your skin on mine or no sex period. Surprisingly, his approach worked. So now we stay naked and on top. He knew where my issue was and made me embrace it because he loved it.
• My insecurity is definitely being on top. I'm a BBW and I always feel that I could hurt the person under me so I would just prefer to do any other position.
• Well...where do I start. I do not feel comfortable being stared at during sex (the person youre fucking is looking at you for a reaction) just to see how I might respond to what's going on. I tend to freeze up, or show no reaction at all. Even if the dick is the best I ever had! Because, I feel like I might make a weird face, be a little too vocal or say something off the wall that might turn that person off. Then there's the thought of fulfillment. Like, Am i doing enough?
• One of my biggest insecurities are the faces I make. I sometimes get really self conscious and worried if I’m making weird faces or not moving enough. Then I get too focused on that and kill my own mood for a moment.
• Making ugly faces is another one. My Face does whatever the hell it wants when the dick is good and I'm often scared of not having control of that
• For me, I used to wait until night time to have sex because I didn't want anyone to see my body. Now, I just have light filtering curtains so I can do it earlier if I wanted to...but, still very insecure about my body fully nude. Baby steps though...right?
• I used to be insecure about my scars. I have stretch marks on my belly and surgical scars from a breast reduction. Over the years it just became clear that if men really want you, that kind of shit doesn't matter. Once I accepted them and built my confidence back up, it really didn't phase me anymore.
• My biggest insecurity is my breast. I guess because I’m only 5 feet and petite body. I went from having double D’s to almost a b cup. So my breast are more deflated and saggy especially after I had my son. So sometimes when i have sex, I keep my bra on.
• I'm a 43 yr old BBW and I had insecurities about my weight, my looks, my stomach, sagging breasts, my arms, the noise that comes from bodies slapping together having sex, and all the noise that I make.
• Hate how I look naked, I gained some weight and I haven’t been able to have sex without a shirt on for years!
• I've never questioned myself till I got with my wife, only because I strive to be the best ever. I always hope my dick is big enough and my sex is all that she wants, and even though she tells me I'm the best I still second guess myself.
• I used to be SUPER insecure and self-conscious about my breasts. That shit stems from old, toxic, southern women in my family. As soon as I started to develop (at 12 years old) I was accused of being “fast” or sexually active. I was taught to always keep them bound tight (so they don’t bounce and attract men/boys) and always covered. I’m almost somebody’s wife and I still have trouble.
• My only insecurities is my weight (and maybe my chest). I'm a big guy 325lbs a lot of woman don't realise big guys can't pull off some of the position thin guys can.
• I really enjoy doggystyle during sex, but I always end up queefing (a.k.a when the pushy farts) in that position and after the first few times, I start to feel awkward and self conscious. I dunno how to stop it or tips to help it not happen?
• As a male some times I have second thoughts if my partner is enjoying the moment even if they say they are.
• My stomach was once my fav body part. In 2018 I had a surgery and even though there were four small incisions on my stomach, I didn’t heal well and the scars look terrible now. To add on to that, I became super depressed and gained a lot of weight suddenly after the op and developed stretch marks on my stomach. However, it affected my self-esteem in bed. I don’t even want to be intimate with any guy for a while and I haven’t because it doesn’t feel like my body anymore.
Phew! Based on this, it looks like women have a lot of insecurities issues about their bodies, and men have insecurities about their performance and dick size.
Ladies, your man knows exactly what you look like underneath all those clothes. Do you seriously think he doesn't see your big belly, your love handles, the thick thighs and the saggy boobs? He already knows your body. Another thing, do not worry about your weight when you're on top (cow girl). You won't smoother him. He can perfectly handle all the force. Trust me on this.
If you're a guy reading this, you need to stop worrying about your dick size, bruh. You will never be able to make your dick bigger than what it is now even if you buy those worthless pills they sell on the internet. Instead of worrying about the size, work on perfecting your technique.
So, what's the solution to dealing with insecurities during ex? My answer is: It's all in your head. Stop putting your thoughts in your partner's head. Either you stop worrying about shit you cannot change or spend the rest of your life having bad sex. Your choice.
Dunno if I made sense but...
SDD (By the way, I'm no longer Suge Dick Dupree on Facebook. I changed the name to just Suge Dupree. However, my page is still called Sugar Dick Dupree. I'm hardly active over there because Facebook seems to dig up old x-rated posts each time I visit my page and end up giving me a warning).