How To Masturbate Like A Boss In 2018

This is the guys edition.

Guys, these are the basic things you need in order to masturbate like a boss for the remainder of 2018.

You need

· Fingers and hands. These are the basic requirements because without these two, you will have a really tough time.

· A working brain is needed because masturbating requires serious creativity and lightning quick thinking.

· A dick. Without a dick, you cannot masturbate. This is the single most important tool when it comes to masturbation. No dick no masturbation. It's that simple.

· Lubricant! If you're circumcised, then please have some lube next to you. You will need it. Uncircumcised guys need not to worry about lube because your foreskin does the job for you.

· A roll of tissues. Very good for cleanliness and for destroying evidence.

· A pair of comfortable headphones that cover your ears nicely and isolate all the other noises. The best would be cheap HD headphones because the bass on them tends to be thin but the overall sound quality is five star.

· A smartphone with a large screen or even a tablet. Make sure the battery is fully charged. It must be at least 94% charged before you start anything.

· Unlimited internet data/bundles. Extremely important.

· Lastly, you need to ensure that nobody is home, and that nobody will return to the house for a few good hours. Lock yourself up in the house. Double check that the back door and front door are locked, and also make sure that all the windows are shut. Make sure your headboard isn't against the wall because the last thing you need is to get up in the middle of a great wank just to move the bed away from banging against the wall.

· Make sure your bed has enough pillows to get you to be very comfortable.

· Lie on the bed completely naked and watch your favourite porn, or read the stororos on this blog. Use your imagination as you watch the videos. Think about what you'd do to the woman in the clip you're watching. Think about how much she wants your dick. Think about how she can't stop cumming. In fact, do not limit yourself to thinking about just one woman. Think about threesomes, orgies, your exes, that sexy cashier from the supermarket, your favourite porn stars, that house maid you had a crush on twenty years ago, that MILF from down the road etc. Think about being abducted by aliens who take you to a planet full of women and you are the only man they have ever seen.

 

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· Use your imagination and be creative. When you feel like you're about to cum but don't really want to cum just yet, DO NOT TOUCH YOUR DICK. Just think of a distraction. Think of something that completely turns you off. I think of a chimpanzee or a baboon's red ass. I literally visualise the red ass. I'm sure you have delaying tactics so use them.

· When you cum, don't fight it. Completely relax, open your mouth, breath properly and just allow the cum to shoot or ooze out of your dick. Afterwards, clean yourself up with the tissues and take a nap with your arms and legs stretched out. 

That's how you masturbate like a boss!

I think the article is all over the place but you're not here to check for grammatical errors so..

Icho!

Svirorist!

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